I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
