bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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