You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
