my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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