Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so let's talk penis.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
