She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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