I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
