The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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