I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize