OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize