I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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