We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
