You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I could fuck to npr.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
