I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
