so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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