WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
