I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
