you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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