My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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