your parents love me but you hate me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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