How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
