I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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