just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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