i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
