He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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