remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's on the porch naked. Help.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
