He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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