You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
