i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
