There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
