Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
