ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
