I have demons in me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize