that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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