Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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