Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
