sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
