New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
