trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
