after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
