you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
