I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
