There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
