no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
