you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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