I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
