Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
