she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
