I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
