Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Houston, we have a blender
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
