i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
