I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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