I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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