Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize