i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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