Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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