its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
