So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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