Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
