Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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