We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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