In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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