so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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