When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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