Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
