Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
