She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
