I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up under a house in Key West
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