Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
