FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We're too hungover to prance.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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