Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
