he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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